Van Bore-ison

Tim and I were having a great time last night at our friends Octepenfest...great beer, great people, cute babies...we also had tickets (muy expensivo ticket) to see one of my favorites of all favorites, the Belfast Cowboy himself, Van Morrison later that night. So we left Annie and Olivia in the care of our great friends Tim and Erin (by the way, Olivia woke up this morning with her diaper on backwards...I'm not sure if that is a sign as to how the evening went or not, but onto the real story at hand) So we leave, we sing all the way downtown, we happily pay for parking, we enjoy a few before show beverages, we flirt, we make fun of the wide variety of fans....we enter the theater, we sit. Show starts promptly at 8...Van appears and starts a song that I'm not sure I know, I enjoy it. He has a very talented band. Next song...no, not sure I know this one either...still okay...can't really understand what he is singing...next song, no, next, no, next, no...well, at least the guy next to me is enjoying it (not Tim, the other guy) He asked me if I had a pen to write down the song set and randomly let out whoot of enthusiasm throughout the evening. 10th or so song in he sings a jacked up, technically an overly jazzed up version, but I'm sticking with jacked up version of Moon Dance. I get it...he's probably tired of that song, but I don't think anyone else is. He ended up cutting it off abruptly. Then more songs that I don't know...and now he is starting to sound like a cheesy lounge act. My mind is starting to wonder now and honestly all I can think of is what we could have done with the money we spent to see this guy. One high point for us is seeing him yell at his piano player to get on the trumpet...that was amusing. Last song is some rambling unintelligible song about getting a jelly roll (the whole time this is going on, I keep thinking yeah dude, I don't think anyone calls them that anymore). Then he walks off stage, I assume to go get a jelly roll (which kind, I'm not sure, he does look like he enjoys the pastry variety). He comes back about 10 seconds later and launches into Gloria. My heart rises. For one, I think this is it...here is the encore, this should be good, who has ever heard a bad encore? Then my heart sinks. Gloria is now 5'-9". Seriously, he changed the lyrics. The whole concert I was having trouble understanding what he had been saying, and here it is clear as a bell. In the past, I'd always thought to myself, yes, I can be Gloria...I'm 5'-4", this is perfect. Thanks a lot Van, there is no way I could ever grow 5 more inches, my life is ruined, that dream is over. Oh well, I rock out to the song...then it's over. He walks off stage. Lights come on. I look at Tim, he stares back at me. I start wondering what everyone is clapping about. That song might as well had ended like this..."And her name is G....L.....O....R.....I'll see you later." But no, he didn't even say goodnight to his audience. He just left. So then we left, somewhat speechless. There was a couple walking out singing one of this classic hits, and I couldn't help think to myself, Yes, that would have been great if he had sang that song, but he didn't and you guys are idiots. Wow. That about sums it up. Wow, but not in a good way, just an emotionless wow.